Sunday, February 13, 2011

Patience in Lancaster

The oxford dictionary explain the word patience as the ability to accept or tolerate delay...
now I am in a place where patience is the only solution for my problem... (this is my blog, so i can write anything i want right?)
oo for crying out loud.. it's so not easy..

it's only been two weeks after that day.. i knew i was going to put my self in trouble.. and why did i do that?? o ya.. it's because of Allah.. or i thought i did.. i have followed my heart after i prayed and made doa.. but where am I now??
i need to learn to listen to my heart carefully.. coz maybe i might have heard it wrong..... Oh The All Mighty.. please help me!

after i went back from NYC on 10th of jan 2011.. i spent most of my time worrying about my projects.. until i finally finished it a day before the deadlines: 18th , 19th, and 24th.. in between those time i managed to enhance my knowledge in Islam and rebuild my eeman by reading some of the article from brother moait.. though some said he's not recommended.. but his words can get me do good stuff for my deen.. so i guess it's still better than nothing..

then on 15th.. i told her about this issue.. she did her job, and looked into it .. and contacted me again a week later.. i said i was busy with school work, so i promised her to give what she wants on tuesday the 25th which is my profile.. i wasn't so sure at that time.. but i did it too.. coz i think if we're not meant to be together then that would be it.. (whilst abandon the other option that might happen)

tadaaa... three days later (on friday the 28th).. another email came.. with his profile in it.... i was in manchester at that time ..at Salford University Engineering building to be exact.... reading that email was like getting a whack on my tummy. ugghh!
i got anxious.. i called her right away.. she tried to calm me down and asked me to pray and make doa to Allah..
I did what she said.. i prayed my first jumat pray there.. and prayed istikarah afterward... and made doa... that got me thinking all day long....... by midnight i found peace on my mind.. and text her about the answer to my pray... she arranged a meeting then we met on sunday afternoon at her house..

btw i was staying in uni dewi's dorm room for 4 days while i was in manchester that week, i arrived on the 27th, went to ashton doing god know what.. hehehe then to uni's place around 9 pm. The next day we went shopping in arndale, and on sat the 29th i went crazy on my own again.. coz she couldn't handle the way i did my things.. well these feet and mind is well trained since i was a little girl...astagfirullah...


back to sunday meeting (on the 30th).. at first there were a lot of silent moments.. but then as the situation got warmer.. i became more comfortable to talk and express my self. it didn't end until late, so many things we had to talk about that made us had to stay over night... this beautiful girl, let me stay in her room.. thanks sweetie...

monday morning came (31st) I went back to lancaster with this new possibilities for my life... I talked to my mom about it..
i made a lot of doa and prays.. until it's all clear on friday february 4th..

I was looking forward to live in US after this master's course is finished but now i've changed... meeting this new person has changed me..

however those (1 supervised meeting, and 1 supervised phone call, 2 times unsupervised chatting, and supervised series of email) are as far as we can go for now.. my father wont marry me until i finish my study.. o thee father.. if only you can see how your little girl is not so little anymore. . that she need him to complete what's missing in her life.


now she need to suck it all in and continue her study.. one deadline on wednesday the 16th
monday the 14th the dissertation proposal need to be done..
but instead of working on it, i wrote this ( writing here is helping her to deal with all these problems... how can it be possible? that is just her thing)

different topics:
I am still waiting for my railcard to come.. i've been travelling to manchester 3 times (jan 15th, 27th and feb 12th) without railcard and waste good amount of money.. i sent out the application on feb 4th.. i hope it'll arrived soon

I opened another bank account on jan 21st.. for insurance, international student ID and rail card..

dear my self,
hey don't judge me, at least i wrote again this month, i tried as detail as i could and it's not as bad as last year..
keep in touch fiiuuhh

L

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